Bo Bennett's Most Mortifying Toastmasters Moments

HOST: Welcome to Toastmaster Journeys. I'm Vivian Reed, and today we're exploring the moments that truly matter in our speaking paths, from first falters to final confidence. Today's guest, Bo Bennett, is an entrepreneur, author, and psychologist who joined Toastmasters after a particularly memorable speech. Bo, your website mentions that you joined after a, quote, "painfully embarrassing speech given to a room full of..." and then it cuts off. Can you finish that story for us? GUEST: Sure. Yeah, I first decided that Toastmasters would be a good idea after giving a speech to a room full of my employees. I guess technically they're not employees, but they were people who work for me in different capacities when we were giving a um uh when I was giving a presentation at a conference in Florida. And this was the first time I've ever really spoken in front of a large group outside of like a a classroom setting. And I was very confident going into it. But very quickly, it turned dark. And and I got really nervous. And in fact, my vice president had to come up and bring me a glass of water because my mouth was so dry that I couldn't even form words anymore. I mean, it was a horrible experience. And that's what really prompted me to do something. About my lack of speaking skills. HOST: A glass of water mid-presentation! That tells me it wasn't in your head—that was physically visible. You were confident going in, but then it turned dark. What was the first thing that happened that made you realize this wasn't going to go well? GUEST: I think it was a quick flash in my head when I immediately stopped thinking about the message. I stopped thinking about what I was trying to tell everybody and I started thinking, and more than thinking, I started obsessing on the fact that I was standing there in front of all of these people and everybody was staring at me completely silent, like just waiting for the next words to come out of my mouth. And that's all I could think about was the situation, and that made me really nervous because I started thinking about, well, what if I forget what I have to say? What if I say something stupid? What if something happens that that just is very embarrassing? And of course, all of those thoughts actually made the worst of the situation come true. It was a self-fulfilling prophecy. HOST: The spotlight effect! It's fascinating that your brain flipped from creator to observer so quickly. Since you had that awareness of these anxious thoughts happening, when you joined Toastmasters and gave your Ice Breaker, was that a moment of relief in a structured environment, or did those same nerves find you again? GUEST: No, I definitely can't say that after giving my icebreaker speech, I was relieved of this pressure and nerves that I once faced. It It didn't happen that way. It was slowly as I became more comfortable with speaking and more confident in the message I had to say. It was a whole bunch of factors, but the important part was the icebreaker speech didn't do it for me. I don't remember being particularly nervous during the icebreaker speech. I don't remember anything going horribly wrong. It wasn't that memorable, which is a good thing. It means that uh I was probably nervous, but I it it wasn't something that was so embarrassing that I'll never forget. Uh but that's the way that that's the way it happens. You know, you start with a lot of nerves and then it goes down and down and down until you're completely comfortable. HOST: So progress wasn't an overnight switch, it was a slow climb, getting comfortable with the message and presumably the process. You've been a member, as we noted, since 2003, and you also run a site called toastmasterspodcast.com. What keeps you involved like that long-term, even after the initial fear was gone? GUEST: Well, I I just enjoy the process. I've been a member of many clubs over the years, and I started the Toastmasters Podcast as a local podcast for our district, and then it went international. And now, I actually don't even host it anymore. Greg Gazin is the fantastic host of the Toastmasters Podcast, and he does a wonderful job with that. But I'm still involved in the back end and doing things like this. And I enjoy it because I just like getting out in front of my computer, which which is ironic because right now I'm talking in front of my computer, but for somebody who works mostly behind the desk, behind the computer, it really is a relief to start interacting with people again and getting out and going to a club and just just being social. HOST: It sounds like Toastmasters became a social counterbalance to your technical work, giving you that face-to-face interaction. You've mentioned teaching public speaking to teenagers, through Student Athletes Rising. How much of that curriculum came from what Toastmasters gave you, and what did you adapt for them? GUEST: Well, Toastmasters really does a great job with the core of what you need to learn for speaking in public. So, I don't remember taking anything specific, like using any of their materials for for that group, but the concepts were always there, and the concepts came from Toastmasters International about public speaking in general, and knowing your message, knowing what you're having to say, how to write a speech, and being confident, and being comfortable, and practicing, and rehearsing, and all of the good stuff that the kids needed to learn. I would say a lot of it was definitely from Toastmasters International, or came from my training. HOST: The principles are universal, it seems. You mentioned rehearsal as one of those principles. Given your background as a social psychologist, why do you think rehearsal works psychologically to reduce anxiety, beyond just knowing the words? GUEST: It has a lot to do with confidence and a lot to do with visualization and practicing is in essence picturing yourself doing a good job. And you've probably heard that saying before, practice doesn't make perfect. It's perfect practice makes perfect or something along those lines. But the the idea is if you practice and do a bad job in in your rehearsal or practice, it's really not going to help you much with your confidence. But that's rarely the case. Maybe when you start out, you realize, okay, I don't know this material well enough, but as you practice more and more, you realize that hey, I'm pretty good at this. And once you get that confidence, you know you can do it. And once you know you can do it, then when you eventually deliver it, if you could draw on that confidence and that those experiences from doing doing it well and delivering it and rehearsing well, then when the real time comes, hopefully you could connect with that and do a really good job delivering the speech. HOST: It's mental reps building that confidence by seeing yourself succeed. Before we go, for listeners who want to follow up on what we've covered, where can they find you and the work you're doing? GUEST: They can visit my personal website at bowennett.com. That's where I have all my books as well. HOST: Thanks so much for joining me, Bo—that image of needing a glass of water mid-speech is going to stick with me. If you're enjoying Toastmaster Journeys, subscribe wherever you get your podcasts—Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or whatever app you use—so the next episode lands in your feed automatically. And thank you for spending part of your day with us. It means a lot. Until next time—AIHosts.fm signing off.